5 Steps to saying Bye bye bridezilla
With more pressure than ever on brides to create the perfect wedding day for themselves, their partners and all of their guests, the rise of the Bridezilla is absolutely no surprise.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
5 simple steps are all it takes to take yourself from Bridezilla to Bridechilla. From worrying about getting everything perfect for everyone, to actually LOVING all of your wedding planning.
Step 1 – The power of gratitude
Gratitude has all but disappeared from society, it has been eroded away by industries intent on making you feel bad about yourself so that you buy their product which will make you feel better until they tell you that you need something else.
If you’ve been born into a country where you’re able to choose exactly who you can marry then you should have reason to feel incredibly grateful.
If you’ve found someone to love and they love you back, then this is super-special. Knowing just that can be treasured fill you with gratitude.
If you’re not living from payday to payday and have disposable income which is allowing you put together a dream wedding, then your situation is one which you really can feel immeasurably fortunate to be in.
“I feel grateful” doesn’t mean you’ve not worked hard to be where you are.
It doesn’t mean that things couldn’t be better.
It is a power statement in saying that you understand fully that whoever you are, wherever you find yourself and whatever has happened you are immensely lucky to be in your current situation.
And that you can allow yourself to feel good about it.
“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not, what you have now was once among that which you only desired.”
Quick tip for increasing your gratitude
Make a gratitude list in the notes section of your phone.
Put something on the list right now that you are grateful for about your wedding.
Now repeat that EVERY day, reading through the list before adding to it again.
The repetition of this list every day as well as the addition of new things will firmly ground you into an amazingly grateful and happier mindset.
Step 2 – Understanding control
Your thoughts and your actions –
These are the only two things in the entire universe over which you have complete control – nothing more, nothing less.
Everything else is either out of your control or something you only have some control over (and “some control” extends only to our thoughts and actions in these situations).
The proof of this.
Ever left late for work and then got stuck behind a pensioner driving a Fiat Uno, who refuses to go above 30mph in a 40mph zone and there’s nowhere to overtake?
If you don’t get past them, then you’re going to be late for work, and you can feel your stress levels rising.
You cannot control anything about what the car in front is doing (unless you want to intimidate a pensioner or run them off of the road).
This limits your choices to
- Getting worked up and angry about the fact this person is going slowly.
- Using the time to calm yourself down and prepare yourself for being late so that you arrive at the office calmly.
I think you already know which is more productive.
This is a pretty simple concept to understand, but how does it relate to wedding day stress?
What if the stressor wasn’t a slow-driving pensioner but a mother-in-law interfering with your plans? Or a bridesmaid not liking her dress? Or someone not liking who they’re seated with at the wedding breakfast?
You STILL only control your thoughts and actions in these situations, so, providing that you feel you have done all you can then that is ALL you can ever do. Everyone else’s opinions fall into THEIR thoughts and actions which aren’t in your control, just like the pensioner’s driving speed.
Understand what you CAN control and don’t let anything else cause you stress and anxiety There’s simply NOTHING you can do about it.
Quick tip for understanding control
When something testing happens ask yourself quickly “How much control do I have in this situation?”
If you do have control, then take control and sort it out.
If you have some control, then take control of your part and sort that out.
If you have NO control then let it go – you have no control so there is nothing you can do.
Step 3 – Wanting and needing
To get married you NEED the following things
1) Someone to get married to
2) Someone to conduct the ceremony
3) Somewhere registered to have the ceremony
4) Witnesses to the ceremony
EVERYTHING outside of these 4 things is a WANT rather than a NEED.
Obviously, you want your wedding to be a fun-filled day and remembered for the right reasons, with all the people you love. I’m in no way suggesting that you only have those 4 things but understanding the difference between WANT and NEED is a huge step in saying goodbye to your inner Bridezilla.
“But I NEED a string quartet!”
Do you? Will you die if you don’t have one? Will the wedding collapse without one? Will everyone hate the day without one? No, no and no.
You WANT a string quartet because they’re cool, create atmosphere, add some class and entertainment to the day – and that’s all absolutely fine. But really wanting something isn’t the same as needing it.
Think about what things are really adding to the day. The more it adds the closer it is to a NEED. But remember the only things you need are the 4 things at the start of this section.
Quick tip for dealing with wanting and needing
Grab two bits of paper and write WANT at the top of one list and NEED at the top of the other.
Write down all the things you actually need for your wedding on the NEED page and everything else on the WANT page.
Now hide the WANT page away until the NEED list is completed.
Now revisit the WANT page and see if you feel if any of it is even necessary at all.
Step 4 – Giving permission
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”
This phrase bandied around countless memes and attributed to people who definitely didn’t say it is often misconstrued and misinterpreted as something entirely different.
So what does it mean?
It means that you have complete control over how much you let external events affect you. So whether that is someone actually insulting you or you suddenly having to cut your wedding budget by £5,000 it is entirely down to you to decide how much permission you give that event to affect your mindset, future approach to things and how much it upsets you.
Has a hurtful remark been made because the person that made it is actually feeling bad about themselves? Are they really saying it about themselves? Could the wedding budget being cut actually an opportunity to hone in on what is really important for the day (the things that are closer to needs).
YOU decide how much you let things affect you – no-one else.
Quick tip for giving permission
If or when someone says something that upsets you take a step back from the situation and ask yourself “What has led them to saying that thing?”
The reasons behind the words are more telling than the words themselves. Their words are more often a reflection on them than on you.
Step 5 – Amor fati (having a love of your fate)
This is one of the more controversial ones but in its acceptance you’ll find there is an easy way to let a lot of stress and anxiety go.
Amor fati is a concept where you decide to accept and love EVERYTHING that happens to you within your wedding planning (and yes this includes wedding suppliers cancelling, being booked, loved ones dying, illnesses – EVERYTHING!)
I understand this is a harsh and weird thing to read, “Why would I love the fact that my great aunt has died suddenly?”
Everything that happens in your life happens. I’m not going to say it happens for a reason or it is part of a plan, but it just happens.
You have a choice of either deciding to accept whatever has happened, or to bitch and moan about the fact that it has happened.
Accepting that something has happened doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to be upset or sad or cry or scream or get angry (that’s human nature). But it is your decisions after the initial emotional reaction that will define how much stress and anxiety you cause yourself.
“Some of the best things that have ever happened to us wouldn’t have happened to us, if it weren’t for some of the worst things that have ever happened to us.”
Quick tip for loving your fate
When something happens that tests you or upsets you – once the emotion has subsided somewhat ask yourself “What opportunity does this obstacle present me with?”
With the right mindset and approach, all obstacles can be turned into opportunities.
Do you like what you’ve read?
Because I value your time, I’ve brushed over some fairly in-depth ideas very briefly. But if this has struck a chord with you, there’s plenty more for you to read.
I’ve written a book on the subject of being stress-free throughout your wedding planning.
The 5 things on this list are very short summaries of the first 5 chapters of the book, in which I expand on these different areas, along side general wedding planning tips, visualisation exercises, methods of dealing with stress on and before the day and so much more.
The book is called “Blissful Wedding Planning: Becoming a Stoic Bride” and it’s available in 3 different formats.
If you want to read it, go for the Kindle (£9.99) or Paperback version (£14.99) of the book – available here > https://bit.ly/blissfulwedding
Or if you’d prefer me to talk you through the whole book then it is available on Audible too > https://bit.ly/bwpaudible
You can either listen to the Audible version FREE on a 30-day free trial, or for 1 credit if you’re already an Audible user.